“Life gives us challenges and gifts
Sometimes in the same package
Teaching us what’s important
Showing us who we are”
(From my 11/26/20 blog)

These days it seems I’m being called to clear out old beliefs, patterns, emotions.
I’m not trying to dig stuff up. It comes and presents itself to me on a silver platter. I can either ignore it or bring it to my awareness and let it go. This often means revisiting things I thought I’d resolved or feeling emotions I didn’t realize were down there.

Last month I was given an award, The Gestalt OSD Life Time Achievement Award from The Gestalt Center for Organization & Systems Development and the Gestalt Institute of Cleveland Organization & Systems Development Integrative Study Center.

When I was told I was nominated by John D. Carter, my first thought was “this is a mistake.” When I got the award, I was overwhelmed. Then I was reluctant to share it very broadly, afraid someone would ask what I did to deserve this.

I stayed with this reaction and began to see a lifelong pattern of not putting myself out there. I was the woman behind the (usually a man) or consultant to a leader or team. I duck complements. I’m not a graceful receiver. I fear being seen, I fear being rejected, being put down.

Recently, I volunteered to be lead host for a meeting. I drafted a design and with two others, we made it happen. But I noticed when one of my co-hosts gave me credit, I ducked and was uncomfortable. Then I got it….I didn’t feel strong in myself. I was afraid of what others would say.

It’s changing now. I’m beginning to appreciate my gifts and to value myself. I got there by acknowledging the fear of rejection, of being hurt, underneath this pattern.

I stayed with, and felt the fear until it diminished. I feel lighter.

I encourage everyone to pay attention. The Universe is giving us gifts left and right. Feel your feelings, notice your thoughts. Let go of what is no longer serving you. It’s a great way to be open to what a new year might bring.