Yesterday
I felt lonely
not alone
but lonely
An aching awareness
of me and empty space
all around me
Do I reach out?
Do I sink into it?
Neither choice
comfortable
Facing yourself is sometimes is hard. [Warning: a rant.] I’m a self declared loner, except I like one-on-one’s. My family is small and out of town. My friends have families they are engaged with. Do I see myself as an imposition if I reach out? I long for someone to reach out to me. Am I not welcoming? Yet, I don’t invite people over. Why? I say I don’t know how to entertain. Maybe I need to get over it, order pizza in for pity’s sake.
Joseph was my love and in so many ways my buffer in life. I guess it’s time to grow. But I don’t know how. Moving out of my comfort zone is moving into the unknown, full of perceived risks, rejection, and….. wait! STOP IT! I know moving into the unknown is also full of potential, new experiences, and the “more” of Life.
Darn it, once again, I’m being called to trust and focus on what’s possible, to let go of the old stories I tell myself. So I’m asking the Universe: “What can be better than this?”
And I wait and I smile…
Welllll … this one left me without words, especially with the chrysalis hanging between the poem and the poet. So well do I know having ‘a buffer in life.’ And the older I get, the more I appreciate [and occasionally am annoyed by] it.
What is the “more” of life at this stage? More of what we’ve known? Or more of what lies just beyond that liminal line between this reality and others? Old stories seem anchored in the former. The Universe seems anchored in the latter. And we both know the line doesn’t separate either from or. It beckons us with yes and.
Remember, I [and my buffer] am/are only 90 minutes up the road and love the ‘nati.
Ah… great and honest post. Love you, my friend.
You have a gift, Barb, for speaking your heart. Lots of wisdom there. Add a healthy dash of encouragement and you are on your way to more of what you long for.
And I, too, will follow my own advice as well. What I am experiencing post COVID is that the pieces of my life have not come back together in the same way as before the pandemic. It’s neither good nor bad, but I admit to feeling unsettled. It’s time for me to add new people to my life, and new interests too.
I Miss you. Come up for a visit, as our small family all needs time together. Meeting halfway doesn’t do it for either of us.
Love you!!
When you find yourself in a hole, stop digging. that’s what I tell myself when I am getting highjacked by some ego trip. Get into the present moment and breath it in. Find balance from within my own Being. Accept what is. Enjoy and laugh about the drama. It is all a setup to return to the original Source, God and All That Is.
I like the monarch coming out, alone. to join the rest of God’s creation.
Love you.