May Anger

May 10, 2023 by

Anger bubble up
Always a surprise
Why am I so easily upset
Impatient, annoyed?

The energy of days past
Losses I think are not
controlled by the Calendar
seem to have their way with me.

Once again I connect the dots
And let myself feel the
Sadness, the loss, the
Anger at having been left.

I’m always surprised that when it gets near the dates that my daughter, Kelly (May12, 2016), and my husband, Joseph’s (May22, 2017), died that my emotions get weird. I’ve been irritable, even swearing in situations that might have been difficult before but now seem absolutely “NOT OK!!!!”.

At least I’m quicker to see what’s going on. So, here I am, allowing myself to feel the loss and, yes, the anger that I got left alone. Silly? No, human. Grief is what it is. I’m learning it is not always rational, but whatever I’m feeling is ok…I need to allow it, feel it, not tell more stories about it…just let it go.

To life, love and all it’s crazy paradoxes and mysteries.

Filed Under: death, Love, We are creators

Still There, Still Here

April 1, 2023 by

I want to be accepted as I am
My sadness, happiness, anger
Should not shame me
How I am, not how you need me
Not your projections, not
Your judgments

But what if I don’t accept myself?
If I don’t feel my body, it’s
Tightness, it’s pain
If I don’t notice my feelings
Or ask what I need—
I don’t exist.

I still battle going numb, not valuing myself, not noticing myself let alone connecting to others.
I fall into care taking, performing, helping others achieve.

Every time I cycle through this, at the end, I breathe. I let myself “be me” a little more. And, I start another new day.

Filed Under: authenticity, Fear or Courage, Life, We are creators Tagged With: , , ,

Birth Anniversary

February 26, 2023 by

Celebrate your Self coming into form,
Celebrate the love given and received,
It’s a chance to say, “What now?”
Knowing you are here today
because of all the other
birth anniversaries, and because of
all that happened in between.
The Birth Day followed
by all the Living Days.
Each day equally important,
propelling you on the path
called life.

I spent my birth anniversary (called a birthday) with friends, both in person and via the loving messages in cards and calls I received. I felt full, cared about and glad to be alive. I’m gently reminded there will be a Death Day. So I’m grateful for each day and choose to live it fully.

Happy Birth Anniversary! Happy Life!

Filed Under: We are creators Tagged With: , ,

Do You Protect What you Love?

February 1, 2023 by
Zookeeper Chad

What do I love?
Family and my
Friends, my cat,
Trees, dancing,
1on1 conversations,
Writing, walking,
Watching the sky,
Feet in the dirt
And sometimes someone
for no good reason.

Does God love or
Is God’s love
expressing through
every living thing,
the earth, the cosmos…
Is God expressing
love through me?

Does God protect what God loves?

I like Zookeeper Chad*. He is trying to show us the wonderful animals he works with so we can love them. Then, if we love them, he hopes we will work to protect them. To me that means stop doing them harm, e.g., stop taking away their natural habitats, stop hunting them for sport or profit, watch what we buy/support, supporting them through our policies and laws.

We are conscious human beings who create our lives through our thinking, emotions, beliefs and choices. We were created with free will for a reason. We grow through experiencing life and through understanding the consequences of our thinking, our beliefs, and choices. Being protected against our own ignorance, selfishness, self-hatred, doesn’t lead to our growth. Being loved through it all does. God loves us.

*Zookeeper Chad https://www.featherdale.com.au/zookeeper-chad/

Filed Under: We are creators Tagged With:

Love the One You’re With

January 21, 2023 by

“If you can’t be with the one you love, honey,
Love the one you are with”
If you can’t be in the heaven you long for
Love the life you’re given on earth
If you can’t have the body you desire
Enjoy the one you have
If your loved one died
Let yourself love again
Turn your heartache into joy
Love what you have,
And, find peace.

David Crosby died Jan. 19, 2023. His death reminded me of all the songs Crosby, Stills and Nash sang, including “Love the One You’re With” sung in 1971 (written by Stephen Sills, 1970). Reminiscing about those times past, the advice in this song seems to fit a lot of things. Love what you have. Enjoy your life. Peace!

Filed Under: Choice, Love, We are creators Tagged With: , , ,

Shift!

November 1, 2022 by

When your heart breaks open again,
Do you go to hate?
Or, do you surrender?
When there’s one more negative headline, a shooting, a rant,
Does despair start filling you? Do you drown? Or,
Can you shift and reach out,
letting the Light fill you.

When the negativity, the violence, the anger of others overwhelms you, what do you do? Many stop reading/listening to the news and social media. Others move into a “fighting back” mode. Some let fear drive them into withdrawing from life because nothing seems to matter, nothing is safe anymore.

I’m learning to use another option. Suzanne Giesemann* talks about learning to “Shift.” When I start focusing on the negative, or when despair or fear arises, I notice, and tell myself “Shift!”. I can then change my point of view from “this is awful” to “isn’t that interesting?” I then ask my higher self (God, my guardian angel, my guides) “What is the best reaction to this situation?” I breath, focus on my heart and just listen. Sometimes I get a response right away, other times I just get the peace of shifting into the Light.

Other times when I say to myself “Shift!” I take some deep breaths. I smile. And, I consciously choose to let the Light /Divine grace and God’s Love flow through me. I consciously choose to remember that I AM one with Mother/Father God. I am not alone.

Both of these work. Lately I’ve found many opportunities to use them.
Sometimes I have to say “Shift” to myself 40 x a day LOL! Yet, I know with practice, I’ll live there.

May we all live in gratitude, peace and love. Choose to enjoy this moment of Life. It’s a gift we are given.

*https://suzannegiesemann.com/ or https://stream.humanitysteam.org/cosmic-forces-shaping-a-whole-new-future

Filed Under: Choice, Heart's wisdom, Oneness, We are creators

What is your unique truth at this moment?

July 26, 2022 by

I still feel like I don’t belong
and it always surprises me
I‘m connected to my back yard
It loves me and I love it back

I love people and I don’t know
why or where it comes from
I’m guided in ways I don’t control
The universe has many worlds

I’m not pretending everything is resolved. I am not asking others for solutions to what is unfolding in me. I’m experiencing my life as I am living it. I’m learning this is” getting it right.”

I see my own contradictions, e.g, I should stop drinking…and then I don’t.
So now, I’m noticing what encourages me to have a drink: sometimes it is because I enjoy a glass of wine, sometimes I’m upset and I’m numbing out, and sometimes I’m caught up in the expectations of others. I’m letting go of “how it should be” and I’m becoming more aware of “how it is”. It is no longer about a general rule or a “should”.

I choose to be free, and that means being honest with myself. It is being unapologetically me. It is only from this place of self acceptance and self awareness that I can choose more wisely. This is love.

Filed Under: Intention, Love, We are creators Tagged With:

The Storm

June 15, 2022 by

The wind whipped around and through
The tree limbs followed, wildly dancing
Swaying, twisting, bowing

I felt Thunder in my bones
“Danger, go inside”
But in awe I couldn’t leave

Powerful, wild, alive
My heart was drawn in
Connected to this dance of life

This storm was trying to tell me something. In the chaos and tragedy going on these days, what do I see? What does my heart connect to? Is there always a choice between fear/anger and something more? Is there always beauty in the chaos?

I’m being told to move away from either/or, right/wrong, good/evil. Can I hold it all?

Filed Under: Life, Love, We are creators Tagged With: , , , ,

The Deluge

May 29, 2022 by

The heavy rains came
Even the thorned Barberry
Bowed down under the weight
Gray days hovered
Everything heavy

Then this morning
in the soaked grass
The bare dandelions
seeds washed away
became Starbursts

These times are hard. After Friday’s storm, the Roofer came and checked. He said the fallen tree limb hadn’t damaged the roof.
This morning City Workers filled the potholes in front of my drive.
And today once again, mothers are mourning their dead children and
communities the loss of their cherished members.

The routine of life cut open by the horror of killing, rooted in prejudice, racism, and the acts of the wounded who are acting out their trauma and illness on others.
I pray to experience what the mind cannot define or comprehend; the love of God that can hold all of this.

I pray that I remember we are all connected, that there is no “other” unless I close may heart.
I strive to avoid language and words that create the illusion of separation: e.g., they, whites, blacks, liberals, conservatives…. Labels that lump people into faceless boxes that are too easy to dismiss and belittle.

I strive to love myself and to learn what it means to love others: starting with accepting and seeing the person as they are and who they are. “And may that love move me to co-create justice and well-being for all.” bell hooks

Filed Under: Emotion, Life, Love, We are creators Tagged With: ,

OUT THE DOOR

January 16, 2022 by

Thoughts come and go
What is now is the treasure
Breathe, relax
This moment is sacred

I’ve started so many posts these past months and none of them made it to my website. This year went by at the speed of light. Insights came and then it was on to the next challenge. My past has been slowly moving out the door as I let go of things, old stories, cellular memories.

When I see how deeply some of my beliefs were held, I’ve gained compassion for those who are controlling, hurting others, unaware of who they truly are, of who we truly are. Compassion for those reacting to what scares them, to thoughts and feelings they can’t yet face. I exhale.

Today I’m letting go of “trying” and “Self-doubt”…both block me from staying in the moment, from opening to what’s to come. Again, not making something happen but rather opening to receive. Listening for the next step and taking it. It’s going to be an interesting year.

Waiting by Betsy Terrill
Filed Under: authenticity, Life, Love, Receiving, We are creators
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