The Deluge

The heavy rains came
Even the thorned Barberry
Bowed down under the weight
Gray days hovered
Everything heavy

Then this morning
in the soaked grass
The bare dandelions
seeds washed away
became Starbursts

These times are hard. After Friday’s storm, the Roofer came and checked. He said the fallen tree limb hadn’t damaged the roof.
This morning City Workers filled the potholes in front of my drive.
And today once again, mothers are mourning their dead children and
communities the loss of their cherished members.

The routine of life cut open by the horror of killing, rooted in prejudice, racism, and the acts of the wounded who are acting out their trauma and illness on others.
I pray to experience what the mind cannot define or comprehend; the love of God that can hold all of this.

I pray that I remember we are all connected, that there is no “other” unless I close may heart.
I strive to avoid language and words that create the illusion of separation: e.g., they, whites, blacks, liberals, conservatives…. Labels that lump people into faceless boxes that are too easy to dismiss and belittle.

I strive to love myself and to learn what it means to love others: starting with accepting and seeing the person as they are and who they are. “And may that love move me to co-create justice and well-being for all.” bell hooks

The Unexpected

This birthday
felt different.
It was a transition.
To what? I didn’t know.
I needed to celebrate.
Celebrate what? I didn’t know.

But friends heard me.
And, they showed up
bearing gifts, sending cards
taking me out for lunch,
taking me to an opera.

And then it came to me.
Filling me to overflowing.
And I let it in.
I felt loved!

The Universe has a way of gifting us when we least expect it. I don’t usually celebrate my birthdays. But this one felt different and I told my friends. They heard me and responded. And then, perhaps for the first time in my life, I felt loved…by friends and the Universe. It’s not that I didn’t know I was loved before, but I don’t think I took it in. But this time I got it. I felt loved. I still feel loved. The door to my heart opened. The Universe works in mysterious ways. I’m learning to trust it.

One Earring

One earring lost
Always from a favorite pair
The one “left behind” a tease
Reminding me of what was

There’s always the hope you’ll find it. This one has to be in the house. Or does it? How long have I been walking around with one earring? Does anyone notice? Why is it always my favorite pair? Why does this happen!!!!

Simplistically, maybe the answer is “Hey you, be more careful!”
But maybe, the loss is a reminder that the things you love can disappear at any time.
It’s a reminder to slow down, to really see & enjoy, to pay attention.

Life is precious. Even little things are gifts. May I take the time to enjoy, appreciate, to love…. May I take nothing for granted, even my earings.

After I wrote this blog, I received this from a dear friend:
“No amount of regret changes the past.
No amount of anxiety changes the future.
Any amount of gratitude changes the present.”

Ring the bells that still can ring
Forget your perfect offering
There is a crack, a crack in everything
That’s how the light gets in.

— Leonard Cohen

OUT THE DOOR

Thoughts come and go
What is now is the treasure
Breathe, relax
This moment is sacred

I’ve started so many posts these past months and none of them made it to my website. This year went by at the speed of light. Insights came and then it was on to the next challenge. My past has been slowly moving out the door as I let go of things, old stories, cellular memories.

When I see how deeply some of my beliefs were held, I’ve gained compassion for those who are controlling, hurting others, unaware of who they truly are, of who we truly are. Compassion for those reacting to what scares them, to thoughts and feelings they can’t yet face. I exhale.

Today I’m letting go of “trying” and “Self-doubt”…both block me from staying in the moment, from opening to what’s to come. Again, not making something happen but rather opening to receive. Listening for the next step and taking it. It’s going to be an interesting year.

Waiting by Betsy Terrill

The Inconsistent Me

I am many things
the contemplative seeking meaning
the nature lover needing grass under my feet
the one who loves to go to museums
the wild bare foot dancer i

I love to be waited on
I’m independent
I’m a loner
I love being with you

I recycle except when I don’t
I don’t kill, except when I do
I don’t poison the earth, much
I reuse, donate, repurpose and trash things

I believe love is the answer
but some people/things irritate me
I’ve past wounds, biases, insecurities
I’m learning to love myself
I am many things

Today I’m just sitting with all that I am. I’m finally getting I’m not going to save the world, at least not today. I’m humbled. Maybe I just need to learn to live in harmony with myself, all of myself. And then refocus …I AM here in this moment. I know what to do in this moment. I am love. There is beauty all around me. The gift is this moment.

Good Friday

  • “Men are dogs,” he said as he proceeded to tell me I didn’t measure up to all the porn films he’d been watching.
  • “..troops fighting in the restive northern region of Tigray (Ethiopia) are using rape as a weapon of war.” The Week, April 2, 2021
  • “I had to be like a dude to survive…I would really love the opportunity to understand my own femininity in a safe environment. I’ve never had that. ” Sharon Stone from Parade, Sunday March 28-April 4, 2021
  • “…male staffers with the ruling Liberal-National coalition set up a Facebook Messenger group to share photos and videos of sex acts performed inside the Parliament House (Canberra, Australia) The Week, April 2, 1021

I get angry. I rage. My heart breaks. Sometimes I just don’t want to live….not in a world like this.

Who am I as a woman? What is a woman apart from sex, being a mother, daughter, whore, an “it”?…How has the world, lost in sin, defined me? How have I bought in?

“Father forgive them for they know not what they are doing.” Jesus Christ

If Jesus could forgive our ignorance, that of man and woman, can I forgive myself for denying myself, for submitting, for being a “dude” to succeed? Can I forgive the men who play out their conditioned role of domination, sex kings and patriarchy so well?

Good Friday is about love. About Jesus knowing the Divine Truth of who we are, even when we don’t have a clue. This is the first year I’m seeing the crucifixion as hopeful. I can feel my heart soften, unlock, as I ask “What could be better than this world we are currently living in?” And, standing in the midst of this world, have the faith that God might just show me.

Dali’s The Cross

My shift about Good Friday was inspired by A case for Holy Week (no prayers, just this…) by Nadia Bolz-Weber

COVID’s Fault

I’m in a codependent relationship.
He’s a control freak.
He calls. I see what he wants.
He expects treats. I give them.
Magnanimously, he cuddles with me,
……I’m hooked.

“Buddy”

Poem originally written in response to the Chalkboard prompt by Rhonda Marrone.

Life Flows*

My Spirit
rises and falls
Riding the waves
’til it rests
in this place
of now…
in peace, in love,
in freedom.

I wish all of you a Happy New Year, knowing for each of you only the highest and best.

  • originally published in Medium 1/1/2021

PEACE

I’m not who you want me to be
not your expectations of woman
not your ideal daughter
Not behaving the way you think I should
Not living in fear and self-judgment

I believe what I do
I feel what I feel
I let go of my stories, they’re history
I’m going to stop being embarrassed
because I’m happy and you aren’t

I’m accepting my body as it is
my sexuality and desires as they are
Being right here, right now
is taking on new meaning
because it’s true, I AM

This year has been about letting go of what I’m not. Of letting fall away what is not mine to have. It’s been about being at peace in the middle of chaos, anger, distortions and the fear all around us. It’s been about learning to not blame anything outside of me for what I’m feeling inside.

These changes have been unfolding all year. They are the precious gifts given to me this year.
So this Christmas, I’m choosing peace. acceptance of what is, faith in what I cannot know, trust in mySelf and most importantly trust in this Divine Love, Intelligence, Presence that surrounds me.

I wish for all of you Peace and Happiness. Merry Christmas!

Tomorrow is one of those days….

What will you surround yourself with?
Will you notice when fear starts to take hold?
Notice when anger starts to erode your peace?

This moment is all you have.
Breathe and look for the good.
Breathe and be thankful you can.

If love is all there is
If love is stronger then hate
then love will find a way no matter what.

Tomorrow is going to be a nonstop media circus, and it may go on for days.
Now is the time for each of us to decide how we want to live, how we want to experience this precious life we’ve been given.

We might as well consciously choose to accept “what is” because worry, anger, or fear won’t change it. Once we accept what is, we can choose how we want to respond.

We can choose peace. We can figure out what it really means to choose love. We can focus on what’s most important to us and embody it. It’s time.


” May love move me to co-create freedom and well-being for all.” from bell hooks