Creating Works > Life Musings > Page 13

Between

April 16, 2018 by

Words don’t comfort me
My sense of self is fading
My mind stalls
Fear of rejection,
need for approval
seep out in the confusion.

I know this is a test.
Giving up or standing
in the truth of who
I am beyond conditioning,
beyond the fears ,
beyond the comfortable.

Trust ….I never used to
Now I do but still…….
I’m restless
How hard can it be
to rewire a brain? a heart?
a life?

A period of dormancy – a seed waiting:
“It turns out that there is no “right” or “wrong” way to grow into a hundred-year-old tree: there are only ways that work and ways that do not.

A seed knows how to wait. Most seeds wait for at least a year before starting to grow; a cherry seed can wait for a hundred years with no problem. What exactly each seed is waiting for is known only to that seed. Some unique trigger-combination of temperature-moisture-light and many other things is required to convince a seed to jump off the deep end and take its chance—to take its one and only chance to grow…

…When you are in the forest, for every tree that you see, there are at least a hundred more trees waiting in the soil, alive and fervently wishing to be…
from “Lab Girl “ by Hope Jehren

 

Thanks to Improvised Life for this reminder: https://www.improvisedlife.com/2016/06/13/the-secret-treasure-within-lab-girl/

Filed Under: Choice, Fear or Courage, Life, We are creators

Nine months

March 3, 2018 by

In some traditions
Nine is completion.
For the Hebrews
nine is a symbol of truth.
When multiplied, nine
always reproduces itself.

For me, nine has meant
a shift…to what I don’t know.
But something has changed.
I still want him beside me,
so much I can feel him.
He grows inside me.

Still, something has changed,
beyond my knowing.
I stay alert for clues, seek
guidance in the mundane
listen to the whispers of truth
floating on the wind.

Alert, aware, curious
nine months makes a baby
nine months ends a cycle
opening to what is and
what is to come –
nine, the number of magic.

You can feel a shift before you can define it or understand it. I’ve learned when you feel, the key is to pay attention. Stay in the heart/body, away from your head. What a strange journey life is. How unpredictable is the way grief unfolds and shape shifts. And how mystical is rebirth.

Source: https://mysticalnumbers.com/number-9/

Filed Under: Life, Love, Steps, We are creators

Garage Door Windows or not?

February 26, 2018 by

Sometimes windows aren’t
just windows.
It’s the choice between
seeing out
vs. closing out
Feeling safe
vs. warding off prying eyes
Light
vs. dark.

Simple decisions sometimes aren’t.

Living unafraid
vs. being prudent
Going for it
vs. the right decision
Fear
vs. ……

Symbols reflect values.
Embracing life
rejoicing in the world as it is
seeing all of it…
Windows will win out.

Filed Under: Fear or Courage, Heart's wisdom, Intention, Life

Reminders

February 11, 2018 by

I resist all the endings
the last joint tax return
vanishing the tools

fear that if the physical
is gone so will be
his memory that now rests

in my heart.
Not rational
but then fear isn’t.

It lays under
the ordinaries of life
as you work to move on,

Reminding you
life will never
be the same.

Filed Under: Emotion, Life, Steps

Yearning

January 31, 2018 by

Thoughts of you
love, intense fire
missing you
until I remember
the deeper truth.

I carry that love,
your reflection of
the sacred
in that small space
in my heart, my soul.

You now connect me
when I forget who I am
forget who we all are
my connection to Source
our connection forever.

 

Note: formerly published at Medium in response to a writing prompt:
https://medium.com/intricate-intimacies/needing-you-cda9dc7be4ef

Filed Under: Creating with others, Heart's wisdom, Life, Love, Oneness, We are creators

“Love will find a way” from the Dancing Princesses musical.

January 16, 2018 by

My New Year resolution:

To choose each morning to
listen for Love’s guidance
To choose to remember
the Divine in all of us,
To remember that
God does not mess with us

Rather we just get lost :
Taking in the words of others
Replaying memories that bind
letting looming fears freeze us cold.
Making judgments and comparisons
separating ourselves from ourselves
and from others.

Instead I choose to remember:
God whispers in our hearts giving us the next step
Saying “what’s real is only what is here now”
released from the drama of the past
and the fears of what’s not yet happened
Joy hovers in the quiet space of now
Play your part, let the rest go
Trust Me
Love will find a way.

I feel this is a sacred time for me. As opposed to rushing in and filling my time, I’m allowing myself to go slowly. To listen to what I really want to do and to not do things just because I’m asked or they show up. In a way, the project I’m dedicated to is my own becoming. The major shifts in my life over the past 4 years have shaken things up. And I’m realizing what a gift that can be. To life: its beauty, complexity and possibilities!

Filed Under: Choice, Heart's wisdom, Life, Love, Oneness

Permission to Suffer

January 10, 2018 by

At night
I won’t let myself
feel the loneliness.

How much can you eat
or drink?
Not enough it turns out.

Time heals––not.
It’s letting yourself feel
what there is to feel.

But I don’t want to!
Not at night, not when
the emptiness overpowers.

I’m giving myself permission to suffer. If you resist what is, you suffer. But how much easier it can be to suffer then to accept what is. Especially the feelings; feeling lost, alone, disoriented, sad, scared….
It’s month #8 and the being alone in the evening, and on long drives, is even more intense. I don’t know what to do with myself.

I’ve gone back over my posts and they seem like variations on the same themes. How do you stay true to yourself, find yourself, just be with whatever is happening. Simple things are sometimes the hardest. And so it is with just letting yourself feel. Oh well, I’m learning I can pay attention, but I can’t seem to make it all go away. Wait! wanting it to go away, that’s resistance isn’t it?
and the beat goes on…..

Filed Under: Choice, Emotion, Love, We are creators

L’Chaim

January 1, 2018 by

Peaking out at the new year
what will come?
what will leave?

Feeling the keys
under my fingers
typing
waiting for just the
next step.

Wishing for all of us
the ability to rest in our Center, in
the eye of any storm that comes.

I cannot stop the suffering, the
traumas, the hurts of others.
I can wish them peace.

I cannot stop the losses
the endings,
the changes that come.

I can wish us all the ability to
to know we are more than
what we thought we needed.

May we know the love and support
that surrounds us,
see the beauty in everything
Be open to the Grace that flows to us.

Here’s to the new year!
L’Chaim*

*To Life!

Filed Under: We are creators

Reconnecting

December 24, 2017 by

I was invited to join them for Christmas
but this family time feels too intimate
to barge in on. Yes, it’s me holding back.
Haven’t gotten my sea legs under me
to enter into new adventures with others.

Instead I’ll allow the quiet to surround me
Reconnect with myself
Find out what I do when I don’t have to do anything
Figure out how I can invite others in…
Yes…it’s time to reconnect with the one.

Filed Under: Heart's wisdom, Life, Love, Oneness, We are creators Tagged With: , ,

Living the mystery

December 22, 2017 by

“Scientists live in mystery every day of our lives … People are uncomfortable not knowing, not the scientists. I’m fine. We don’t know what it is. [We] keep checking it out.” astrophysicist Neil deGrasse Tyson*

Living with not knowing
Not assuming what others think
or what their past has been
Not judging good or evil
Not comparing self to others.

Worries reveal themselves as imaginary
From the middle of disaster, compassion is shown
After cruelty, forgiveness cracks open hearts
Our wounds source our growth
Nothing is entirely as it seems.

Everything real is now
It’s going on in this moment
Act if you’re called, but don’t rest
keep checking, always
knowing you don’t.

*http://www.cnn.com/2017/12/20/us/neil-degrasse-tyson-ufos-new-day-cnntv/index.html

Filed Under: Choice, We are creators
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