up. up and away…

“Work is love made visible.” Kahlil Gibran

Recently we had the dead wood cut out of our two oak trees. We hired the company my husband liked the best because there were no bucket machines, just a climber.  The Stump Guy, Rod, works with a tree climber named Tim. They were pretty casual in their proposal so  I wasn’t so sure but it turned out they were good.  And, I got to feel the impact of one who loves their work.

DSC03072It was mesmerizing to watch Tim….not just because he hauled himself up a rope for 25 ft, nor because he could fling a rope from the ground over a high limb in one try, or balance on a tree limb with a chain saw in his hand…no, it was because he loved DSC03068what he did. The ground guy Dave was impressive, hauling out 90 lb. limbs over his head. But it was Tim I watched.

He moved around the tree talking: to himself, to the tree, to God…you could feel the energy. He loved doing what he did. He loved how he did it. He loved trees.
We felt it.

“Do what you love
It radiates
Touching hearts
Reminding us
why we are here.

besliter 8/2016

I’m Tired

I’m Tired

A thousand sorrowsIMG_0947
Arrows piercing
No one thing to pull out

In these days of instant gratification
Grieving makes no sense
Malingering, grayness,
Being tired of it all

Just take a pill
Proclaim your faith
Move on
Except

It doesn’t work
And the sadness becomes an
Irritating backdrop
To life

I no longer really know why I’m tired,
Easily Irritated,
wanting “it” to all to go away
Politics, killings, crummy drivers…

Don’t make more work for me
Don’t ask anything more of me
Don’t get sick or die on me

–I’m tired
besliter 7/2016

Life doesn’t wait for us to be ready. It keeps moving and we sometimes have to run to keep up. When I’m off center lately it feels like I’m on the edge, ready to fly off….crash and burn. I can’t slow down and do the things I believe would make a difference: meditate, exercise, trust that there is more going on then I can possibly know and that love does triumph.IMG_0550

I don’t think I’m manic depressive, more manically depressed. I judge all this as abnormal. I want to go back to what felt like a normal state before loss, but I’m deeply suspicious that can ‘t happen. I have to let go of what was familiar and safe. And I don’t want to.

Grieving

I feel discombobulated. Grieving, yes. Fatigued after tracking bills, going to Doctors, organizing volumes of paper into files, yes. Helping my stepdaughter sell her house and move, yes. Looking over my husband’s shoulder to see how he was doing, yes.  But it’s more, more than the long list of what happened.

It’s too many endings, no obvious beginnings, feeling lost in space. The unrest raising questions about life: why are we here, what’s the bigger picture?  What does it mean to be alone and to see that possibility on the horizon. Are we here to surrender or to choose what we want? If you give up getting into heaven, what’s left? I don’t mean the polar opposite, but rather can you get excited about coming back to do all this again?tREE

We are getting ready to scatter Kelly’s ashes next week. The spot is a park near Bowling Green, Ky called Phil Moore Park. Joseph’s cousin has been involved with the park since her son ran track around the perimeter. (he’s now taking his medical boards so it has been a while.) There is a tree we “donated” with Kelly’s name on it.  Our tree died, Kelly’s is flourishing. The park has family connections and is the only place Joseph thought was a fit.

Both of us are coming to grip with all that transpired over the past four months, over the past year and a half, and even over her life. She passed May 12th. She would have been 55 on May 16th.

What keeps coming home to me is how complex a person’s life is. How many different lens you can see it through, and while looking through one, how you miss “the rest of the story.”

spiderweb2My lens are many. Much was triggered. I’ll be writing about my questions, my learning, at least I think I will.  It’s a way to process, to come to peace with paradox and complexity.
Everything written will be just a point in time seen through a lens. Not the truth, not a lie…..just a story to make sense of experiences; writing to sort through the intertwining of lives.

Do you want extraordinary?

A recent post on Improvised Life highlighted the work of Kate Conklin, a performance coacaeralists-Cirque-du-Soleilh. She asks the question: What are the qualities that make a performance extraordinary? What are the things that happen that make both the performer and the audience feel like they’re flying? …like these aeralists from Cirque-du-Soleil.

Well the answer, she found out was not just in the desire  but in the work that follows. Deep down, what  do we care enough about, desire enough to, as Kate says, “Respond to that desire and do the work to support that response.”

It led me to wonder, how many of us really want extraordinary? extraordinary lives, work, relationships….

Hard and persistent work in service of what we want is not what most of us want to hear. We want easy answers, magic pills, miracles.   It’s OK but chances are it won’t be enough for the Universe to deliver the result we want….and without a shift, we’ll settle for mediocrity, for less.

So, I sit pondering, “What do I want?” Want enough to do whatever it takes?

And if nothing comes, I wonder, what is that all about?

How’s it going?

Recently Sally Schneider posted at Improvised Life  about not knowing. She asks the question,  “Can you hang with not knowing.”

I understand not knowing. Not knowing the MRI results, the outcome of an operation, whether an organization will turn around in time, whether our favorite oak tree will succumb to the Bacterial Leaf Drop…  the list goes on.

I wrote this poem a year ago. It is as true today as it was then. However, there is a difference.  I’m listening a little harder, trusting a little more,  and importantly, more at  peace with just “the next step.”

How’s It Going?-road-ahead-unclear-green-freeway-sign-representing-uncertainty-in-financial-business

“I don’t know”
Not a satisfying response
Most prefer a polite lie,
Definitely more certainty.

But the small voice
of wisdom won’t
be ordered about,
has its own timing.

So when the veils
haven’t yet parted,
how do you
walk through life?

The sun rises and sets
Baby birds hatch
Trees lose their leaves.
Life in its rhythm.IMG_0551

Surely you too are part
of life’s flow, as important
as the field mouse,
the fallen bird.

What’s left but
noticing what calls you.
Trusting you’re guided
Always the next step.

besliter

Can a chandelier do that?

We recently had the inside of our house painted.  In the process we decided to take down the chandelier in the kitchen. It was left over from before our kitchen remodel that added an center island/eating counter. The chandelier really had no function any more. It hung where once there was a table. Now it was in the pathway of those who walked through, occasionally bonking folks on the head if they came too close.
We replace it with a recessed light. It looks great. We both love it.

For the next several days my husband kept saying how much he had disliked that old chandelier; DRAIN_2_by_musky306_463480_disappearing_waterhow much he was glad to have it gone. After several days it hit me, on some level the chandelier had drained his energy every time he looked at it. He tolerated it but it bothered him. And what’s more, he had no longer noticed that it bothered him. Toleration numbs you out. The contrast when he talk about the new light was stark. He was vibrant.

I asked him where else he might be tolerating something? Areas where he’s pushed aside his desire for something because it was impractical or the wrong time.  Areas where he’s “making do.”  Often tolerations aren’t big things, e.g., a lighting fixture, but they are slow leaks in terms of our vitality.

What are you tolerating?
Either we love something or not; either we care about something or not. If you don’t love or care about it, why do you have it? Why spend your precious time on it?  What are you tolerating? It’s may be time to let go.

tol er ate (Merriam-Webster)
: to allow (something that is bad, unpleasant, etc.) to exist, happen, or be done
: to experience (something harmful or unpleasant) without being harmed
: to put up with

Choosing life

We are creators, too often lulled into amnesia by the stress of life. 

We don’t see the choices we make that wear us out, that move us away from what we care about. Instead, 2014-03-21-4we tell ourselves we “have to (fill in the blank).”  We let circumstances, and the demands of others, control our lives.

Choosing life is about stepping up and making clear choices to do, or not to do, something. It’s being true to ourselves; to take the risk of saying “No.”  And, if we say “Yes,” it’s staying clear why we chose to do it and doing our best. 

NOTE: If you’re letting something drain your energy, my guess is you lied to yourself about choosing to do it. Try again 🙂

1) Make a list:   Where do I need to say “No” ? What do I need to let go?  (a hated project, old clothes, obligatory relationships, volunteer activities, jobs….)

2) Do it!

Creating Works: have a good life.

 

Luck or ?

Saturday afternoon I was driving with my husband, just knocking around, seeing what we could see. We decided to take back roads and drive north as much as possible. A GPS is a great tool for this sort of meandering road trip. We Lucky Dicewere enjoying the 60 degree day and the sun which had been absent far too many days this winter. So we drove, feeling the sun’s warmth, looking at houses, trees, small towns. I was happy and thought to myself, “How lucky I am!”

As soon as the thought registered I noticed a certain unease. “I’m lucky now but this could go away. Lucky could become unlucky.” It was subtle but luck suggested that what I do doesn’t matter. That a roll of the dice determines outcomes. It was “just luck.” Really?

I decided to shift to “I’m grateful: grateful for my husband, the warm sun, the car with a sun roof, the ability to take off and drive for the sheer fun of it.”  This felt totally different. Appreciating what I had in the moment made it richer. I felt richer. I was richer.

How we think matters. To think of ourselves as “just lucky,” is to discount the power Soaring-Eagle-1-300x182of our own imaginings, our thoughts, intellect and choices. These are the tools we’re born with to co-create our lives on earth. How we think about something actually changes our experience of it. Words matter. Would you rather be lucky or grateful?

We are co-creators, learning to live more skillfully.

Talent to be managed?

In a recent Forbes article, HR Managers were advised to focus on “talent management.”  Sounds reasonable given the information age, internet and the competitive need for creativity, but I find myself asking,  “Who wants to be treated as talent to be managed?”

It reminds me of  factory workers in the early 1900’s who were seen as extensions of the machine to be optimizedCoolClips_busi1720 Although the world has changed, articles like Forbe’s suggest we are still seeing employees as “cogs in the organizational machinery,” talented cogs to be sure, but cogs. And therein lies a problem.

As long as HR Managers (and senior Leaders) see people as company assets to be optimized, we’ll continue to create environments that kill the human spirit. Employees will remain disposable parts, abstract concepts to be planned for, controlled and manipulated. CEOs and organizational hierarchy will continue to see themselves separate from the “masses.”

But different models are emerging, each the result of the beliefs, personal passion. and unique circumstances of their creators. In each example people are, well people, not assets. index

Here are some of my favorite out-of-the-box examples: Ricardo Semler’s Maverick: The Success Story Behind the World’s Most Unusual Workplace, Tony Hsieh’s story of Zappo’s Delivering Happiness: A Path to Profits, Passion, and Purpose, Phil Jackson and Hugh Delehanty’s Sacred Hoops: Spiritual Lessons of a Hardwood Warrior, and  Jack Stack’s The Great Game of Business, Expanded and Updated: The Only Sensible Way to Run a Company.


I almost gave up

I was excited about creating  a new fireplace mantle.

After my epiphany in February, I started calling masons, stone workers, even outside garden designers. I stopped in any place that remotely stained mantle-Version-2looked like they could do stone work.  But I found that no one was interested in tackling this sadly stained fireplace.   I explored fireplace facings, but none were designed to cover the length of the wall as our mantle did. I began to see my hopes of a mantle I really liked fade. I was running out of options.

Finally Tom, a brick works chimney guy, responded to my queries. He was a burly guy sporting a substantial beard and wearing overalls. He seemed a “no frills” but reliable type.  He said, “For two hundred I can replace the middle limestone piece.” I thought, “Well, I haven’t had much luck finding any other approach. It would be cheap and get rid of the stain.” I said, “Put me on the schedule.” He said he would.  Then, I never heard from him again.

Dismayed, there was more searching, calling and asking around.  Gary was a construction-type handyman. He asked me to send him some pictures. Excited, I sent my best iPhone shots. He emailed back and said for $600 he’d replace all three 4.5 ft top sections. “It was a better way to go,” he said, “since new stone wouldn’t necessarily match.”  OK, this would at least get me back to how the mantle originally looked, better than nothing.  “Put me on your schedule.”  I never heard from him again.

By now 6 months had passed and I was discouraged. “It will never get fixed!” I thought as I sullenly stared at the stained mantle. I never liked the mantle. It wasn’t particularly attractive and the top was too narrow to easily put things on. I sighed! Should I just leave it? If we ever sell the house the new owner could tear it out.

It was then I realized I’d drifted from creating a fireplace mantle I’d like, to desperately trying to find someone, anyone,  who could make the stain go away.  I was no longer creating.  My frustration pushed me into reacting against; getting rid of the stain. I refocused. I didn’t know how to make it happen but I wasn’t going to give up on a beautiful mantle. I could feel my energy shift. I was feeling lighter and more adventurous.

Once again I spent time Googling everyone from masons to decorative rock folks. But this time I was open to alternatives. A friend’s brother had just redone his flagstone fireplace and recommended Don Weiss, the guy he used.

I looked up Don’s website. He did creative tile art. His work was beautiful so I called. From the start his energy was different. He really looked at the mantle. He looked at the damage and the whole wall. He recommended a limestone facing.  I was almost disappointed it wasn’t tile but thought, “Well, give this a chance.” He sent me drawings of the pieces he’d need and a price tag of $900.

Looking at the drawings I couldn’t figure out how it would come together. I made a cardboard mock up that looked bulky and stuck out way too far.  I emailed him with my concerns. He came back to the house and explained that there would be a curve in the front piece that would mirror the cove ceiling. He assured me it wouldn’t stick out too far. He had an artistic touch no one else had and I trusted him. We agreed to go ahead.

He fit me into his schedule and arrived with one of his workman. DSC02939 Two days later it was finished. It was beautiful!  Not only did I like it, I loved it!

DSC02942I was reminded again of the power of creating something you want vs. reacting to what you don’t like: the importance of holding your vision even when you don’t know how it’s going to happen; of not giving up!

Creating works!