I almost gave up

I was excited about creating  a new fireplace mantle.

After my epiphany in February, I started calling masons, stone workers, even outside garden designers. I stopped in any place that remotely stained mantle-Version-2looked like they could do stone work.  But I found that no one was interested in tackling this sadly stained fireplace.   I explored fireplace facings, but none were designed to cover the length of the wall as our mantle did. I began to see my hopes of a mantle I really liked fade. I was running out of options.

Finally Tom, a brick works chimney guy, responded to my queries. He was a burly guy sporting a substantial beard and wearing overalls. He seemed a “no frills” but reliable type.  He said, “For two hundred I can replace the middle limestone piece.” I thought, “Well, I haven’t had much luck finding any other approach. It would be cheap and get rid of the stain.” I said, “Put me on the schedule.” He said he would.  Then, I never heard from him again.

Dismayed, there was more searching, calling and asking around.  Gary was a construction-type handyman. He asked me to send him some pictures. Excited, I sent my best iPhone shots. He emailed back and said for $600 he’d replace all three 4.5 ft top sections. “It was a better way to go,” he said, “since new stone wouldn’t necessarily match.”  OK, this would at least get me back to how the mantle originally looked, better than nothing.  “Put me on your schedule.”  I never heard from him again.

By now 6 months had passed and I was discouraged. “It will never get fixed!” I thought as I sullenly stared at the stained mantle. I never liked the mantle. It wasn’t particularly attractive and the top was too narrow to easily put things on. I sighed! Should I just leave it? If we ever sell the house the new owner could tear it out.

It was then I realized I’d drifted from creating a fireplace mantle I’d like, to desperately trying to find someone, anyone,  who could make the stain go away.  I was no longer creating.  My frustration pushed me into reacting against; getting rid of the stain. I refocused. I didn’t know how to make it happen but I wasn’t going to give up on a beautiful mantle. I could feel my energy shift. I was feeling lighter and more adventurous.

Once again I spent time Googling everyone from masons to decorative rock folks. But this time I was open to alternatives. A friend’s brother had just redone his flagstone fireplace and recommended Don Weiss, the guy he used.

I looked up Don’s website. He did creative tile art. His work was beautiful so I called. From the start his energy was different. He really looked at the mantle. He looked at the damage and the whole wall. He recommended a limestone facing.  I was almost disappointed it wasn’t tile but thought, “Well, give this a chance.” He sent me drawings of the pieces he’d need and a price tag of $900.

Looking at the drawings I couldn’t figure out how it would come together. I made a cardboard mock up that looked bulky and stuck out way too far.  I emailed him with my concerns. He came back to the house and explained that there would be a curve in the front piece that would mirror the cove ceiling. He assured me it wouldn’t stick out too far. He had an artistic touch no one else had and I trusted him. We agreed to go ahead.

He fit me into his schedule and arrived with one of his workman. DSC02939 Two days later it was finished. It was beautiful!  Not only did I like it, I loved it!

DSC02942I was reminded again of the power of creating something you want vs. reacting to what you don’t like: the importance of holding your vision even when you don’t know how it’s going to happen; of not giving up!

Creating works!

Would you have been irritated?

girl-waiting-mdThe examining rooms were all filled. My husband and I were waiting for the eye Doctor to arrive, to peer into his eyes and decide if all was well. I couldn’t shake the cattle car feeling. We were waiting to optimize his schedule not ours. I was irritated, very irritated.

How many of you would say, “Of course, I hate when Doctors do that”? From one perspective this response is understandable. However, from a creating perspective, it doesn’t. I was allowing circumstances to determine my experience of life. Would I choose to sit around and be irritated? Would I choose to put that negativity though my body. No!

I thought waiting meant that we weren’t important enough.  I had the expectation that a caring Doctor wouldn’t have us wait. I was judging and taking the whole thing personally.

I could have been aware of the situation without judging and without taking it personally. I could have decided how I wanted to be (e.g, relaxed) and then decided if there was something I needed to do (e.g., go out and ask when he might be coming, express my concern if I really had to get out of there by a certain time, get something to read, meditate ).

As a co-creator of life, I  know that the quality of my life, my life experience, is my choice. What am I choosing now? What are you choosing?

 

I killed two butterflies and a Cardinal

butterflyDriving home through the country, a butterfly flew too close to the car. Sucked in by the car’s momentum, it hit the car and died. Miles down the road it happened again. I hated that I was a part of these fragilenorthern_cardinal_1, beautiful creatures’ demise.

Then, a few days later coming home from a meeting, a Cardinal flew into my windshield. The loud crack let me know it couldn’t have survived.

Stunned, I wondered if these events were connected;  a message from the Universe that I was supposed to understand. That to be alive means that at times we inadvertently kill things? That life is fragile? That I can’t ultimately protect the people and things I care about?

Or, maybe it’s that things just happen; what is, is? The Universe gently letting me know that I’m not always in control of what happens, but I can always choose how I respond to it?

At the end of the day I settle for compassion and a sense of awe at the beauty and fragility of life.   Tomorrow? Who knows.

I want the flowers NOW!

I keep staring at them, willing them to shoot up their yellow flowers. I want the color but my garden is taking its own good time. It’s still May, too early for most of the perennial flowers, especially these Western Sunflowers, to bloom. I’m feeling impatient.photo-2

Spring has been here forever.  I want warmer weather and the richness of the harvest. Silly of course, and just a passing emotional storm  Yet I’m aware that in our world of instant messaging, it’s easy to lose touch with the natural rhythm of things.

Waiting is seen only as a delay. Defining goals suddenly slips into a dissatisfaction with what we have now. Being where you are seems not enough. You forget to appreciate and enjoy what is.

Fortunately I can laugh at my impatience. It too will pass.

I walk back into the house remembering that now is the only moment I have.  And, I smile.

The branches were bare!

Thursday. I planted the lovely little Red Chokeberry bush.

Saturday. I went to see how it was doing. There were no small white flowers, no delicate green leaves; just bare branches. The deer had dined!deer

All day I mourned the loss of this pretty little plant with its bird friendly berries. I struggled with whether I should replace it. Might it grow back? What would I need to do to keep the deer away?

Sunday. I began to think that this was a gentle wake up call. It was a reminder that I’m part of a bigger system, and not totally in control. There’s other life, with other priorities. A garden is not only about aesthetics, it’s also about lunch.

I had to decide what to do. Do I fence in the shrub? Buy something more deer resistant? Spray noxious concoctions to discourage the deer eating.  Do I walk away and grow flowers?  Somehow I think it is important for me to accept the fact that deer roam the city streets.  We’ve not found a way to coexist with the wild life that inhabits our cites. Is this natural? Well, at the moment it just is.

I don’t want to do battle. I don’t want everything I grow to be fenced in.
So, I’m planting a Molly Schroeder Viburnum, less tasty to deer. This new shrub will remind me I’m not alone on the planet. It’ll be a humble reminder that I’m part of something bigger and that my desires aren’t the only ones that count.

Monday. I’m posting this. It’s one of many lessons I’m getting about the systems we are a part of.  I don’t want this post to be a diatribe about too many deer in our cities.  It’s really a love poem to the complexity of life.

I said, “It made me cry.”

As I watched, the tears came. It was a video a friend had sent me. When I told my friend I cried he got concerned, and said he wouldn’t send any more of those kinds of videos.

He thought my tears were a bad thing. But really, they were the kind that come when you ‘re caught unaware and, unbidden, your heart just opens. You deeply appreciate someone’s courage, their caring, their pain, their openhearttriumph…

This is very different from becoming distraught, worried  or distracted by another’s experience. This is about genuine caring: witnessing what is and not pushing it away, appreciating the human experience without getting lost in it.

Crying when your heart opens is like going through a doorway to a place where the “we vs. them” disappears. It’s true love and appreciation. 

An open heart, even with tears– it’s a good thing.

Surrounded by time, what effect does it have?

Growing up, we had one clock in the kitchen. Adults had wrist watches.

This past Sunday, it was Spring Forward, or daylight savings time here in Ohio.time I checked our radio controlled clocks. Then, as I manually started to change the others, it hit me: I’m surrounded by clocks. A wall clock in the kitchen, a clock in the living room, a clock in each of our offices, two alarm clocks (his and hers) in our bedroom, clocks in each bathroom, then of course the ones built-in to the microwave, stove, computer, iPhone, car dashboard…

What does being surrounded by reminders of time do to us?…time passing; time lost (hurry! going to be late); time to be utilized (guess I can squeeze in one more thing before the next appointment).

time2Does the constant reminder create a subtle urgency; a need to “get on with it already!” What ever it is?

There’s evidence that losing the hour with daylight savings time negatively affects our health, disrupts our sleep and results in more accidents. But I’m beginning to feel that the whole emphasis on time is even more insidious. It pulls us away from our direct, sensuous, enjoyment and experience of life. Our attention instead is constantly pulled outward to the next thing to be done.

So I ask myself, “What clocks could I live without?” Maybe I’ll start small. Today, the bathroom clock is going to the basement.

 

 

 

 

 

If you are the environment you live in…

I like Peter Diamandis’s comment “you are the environment in which you live. ”  Creating works best when we focus on what we want. Negative programing shifts our focus to what we don’t want, fostering fear, worry, and negative thinking. I thought Peter’s study of Times Magazine covers was telling as well.

Fixing isn’t always what I want

Two years ago a candle melted on our fireplace stone mantle. I tried everything anyone suggested to get it up. I scraped, ironed over a brown paper bag to soak up excess wax, used degreasers, and finally carburetor cleaner to get the oily stain out. All suggestions were unsuccessful, many gave me a headache.DSC02414 - Version 2

I explored going to a local stone place to replace the worse section but I’m not doing it. Seeing the stain still bothers me!  WHY am I not taking action?

As I was berating myself for not getting it off my “to do” list the other day, it dawned on me:  I was solving a problem, not creating something I wanted. Yes, the stain bothered me, but I don’t particularly like the mantle. There is no energy around fixing it.  I’d fallen into the trap of fixing a problem (I really should…) vs. creating what I want.

So now I’m exploring what a different mantle might look like. I’ll create it or decide to live with what I have. Either way it’ll be a clean choice and will free energy that’s been trapped in the “I’ve got to get this fixed” mode for the past two years.
Creating works! Shoulds?…Well, not so much.

Luck? Perserverance? Timing?

Cathy Thomas has written about her own creating process in getting her book published.

“For several years I have had the intention of writing a book. …..I can tell you that at the start, the idea of me actually writing a book seemed really crazy. …So what I did was just start… And then…my dream got stuck. I just could not get it to move forward.”

The creating process can be messy, with many opportunities to just give up. In Cathy’s case, there were no heroic bells and whistles…just a thread of desire for it to happen that kept it all moving. She listened to her own sense of when to move and when to let it rest. She was open to it not happening at the same time she still wanted it. Creating often requires holding polarities: seeing the end result complete but being OK with not having it;  being willing to put a hold on something but still be alert to possibilities…..

Read the rest of Cathy’s post here:   Making your Dream Become a Reality.