Twenty Questions

May 25, 2017 by

Twenty questions*
* A workshop exercise we used to use to help people get past the superficial answers, only the question was “who am I”. This “Twenty Questions” comes from the concern of friends and family. What do I say…..

How are you? I don’t know
How are you? Here. No that’s good, really.
How are you? Thinking
How are you? Getting things done
How are you? Feeling supported
How are you? Grateful, I had him for so long
How are you? Noticing the silence
How are you? Getting things done
How are you? Grateful for my friends
How are you? Wondering how the bed got sooo big
How are you? Trying to remember how to buy food for one
How are you? I just am
How are you? I don’t know, sad
How are you? Weeding the garden
How are you? My back hurts
How are you? Trying to sleep through the night
How are you? Peaceful
How are you? Wanting to make sure others’ needs are met
How are you? Waiting for death certificates
How are you? It’s just the beginning, I don’t know

The journey continues….I feel supported, loved. I am blessed!

Filed Under: Creating with others, Heart's wisdom, Life, Love, We are creators

It’s Done

May 23, 2017 by

Now there is the
endless space
he used to fill

the endless to do
list to get affairs
in order

The mental fog
that’s either
life’s comfort

or the aftermath,
reflecting the
magnitude

of the quake
splitting open
the ordinary

So I buy his favorite
cherry tomato plant
I plant it

What else would,
could, I do

Filed Under: Emotion, Heart's wisdom, Life, Love

His House

May 22, 2017 by

You walk around the house
half the things you touch
are his

His toothbrushes
His clothes
His coffee mug

You think about moving
these things on
And the thought

Comes,
“but he might
need them”

And you remember
he’s lying
In hospice

He won’t need them.
He’s not coming
home, at least

Not to this home. The
one you can’t imagine
without him.

You throw the toothbrush
out, a first step, a baby step,
In the daunting tasks to come.

Filed Under: Heart's wisdom, Life, Love

Will the real self stand up

May 21, 2017 by

Different identities
They rise up

There’s the fearful one
The controller
The loyal wife
The caretaker

All reactive
Ego driven

The Observer
says “return to
Center, sit in silence,
Listen”

So who’s Dying here
Who’s letting go?

His life ebbs
But mine is torn
Stripped as
mini deaths

Force me to Truth
His life, God’s life

One life, our life
It directs us,
guides us
If we Listen

How to stay in that
Knowing that flow

Is this my lesson?
His gift to me
Even as he lies there
dying?

Filed Under: Fear or Courage, Heart's wisdom, Life, Love

Letting GO

May 20, 2017 by

I was hovering,

Clinging, feeling
Guilt.

All masks for grief.
I didn’t want to
lose him.

I was holding him
back.

But love prevails.
He’s in my heart.
He’s embraced by the
Sacred Heart
taking him home.

Peace beyond words
descends.

Filed Under: Emotion, Fear or Courage, Heart's wisdom, Love, We are creators

Today is the Day

January 20, 2017 by

Words always compromise the experience we’re having. But we try anyway.Image result for inauguration day
What is being present: now, today? What is being aware, awake, fully alive? How do you experience it? What does all this mean in difficult times anyway?

TODAY’S THE DAY

Cheers erupt
in triumph.
Tears fall
in disappointment.
Fears hover in the
shadow of what’s to come.

But I feel a place
of stillness, just
Spacious Stillness.

From here I know
love in action.
From here I know
it’s only in our
wandering off
that we forget

we’re connected.
Mirrors for each other,
loved by the very Universe
we’re scared of.
Loved beyond our possessions,
successes, our failures.

Hell is not being crucified!
Jesus died in love,
connecting and forgiving.
He died showing us
how to live…
no matter what…

It’s all about the Love
you are, the Love that you can share.
the Love that’s beyond understanding.

Peace!

Filed Under: Choice, Emotion, Fear or Courage, Heart's wisdom, Life, We are creators Tagged With: , , ,

The Mystery of Writing

January 14, 2017 by

For a while, I haven’t written. I wondered why.  Nothing seemed compelling enough to write about.  OK, actually no ideas were coming at all.

Rilke wrote in Letters to a Young Poet,  “Go into yourself. Search for the reason that bids you write…ask yourself…must I write?”

Elizabeth Gilbert in Big Magic, writes, “Ideas are a disembodied, energetic life-form…driven by a single impulse: to be made manifest. And the only way an idea can be made manifest in our world is through collaboration with a human partner.”  p. 64  She goes on to say, you can say “no” when an idea comes, but it will move on to someone else.

So I waited, trying to be alert to what might offer itself  to me. One morning, the words started to come.  I understood, at least for me, my writing.  And, I started letting it happen.

WRITING
You write where you are
Not where you are forever,
Just where you are
in this nanosecond.

Words flow through, Spirit, waiting to play.

To give voice to the words
that comes through you.
Traveling fast, as if sent
urgently from a distant place.

The ones that pay a surprise visit
as you’re about to fall asleep; the ones
urging you to write them down, to
hold them to a page so they can’t fly off.

Sometimes you think them
too bold for print, you fear
what others might say.
Still, you write the words.

A understanding, a phrase…
not for forever, just for right now
for this nanosecond
for this poem.

besliter, January, 2017

Filed Under: Heart's wisdom, Love, We are creators Tagged With: , , , ,

Why Grieving Often Takes Time

December 6, 2016 by

The world is our mirror. Our unresolved issues are reflected back to us through our circumstances, our lives, and in others.  Lucy the cat…my teacher. She was one of our daughter’s two cats we took in until we could find homes. But two cats were one too many. Lucy was the youngest and most easily placed I thought.  But my conflict about letting her go was palpable.  I finally realized the reason:  she was too much like Kelly. So, letting go–well, it has been messy. One home didn’t work out, another now looks promising.
In the meantime, I’ve allowed myself to see again how things are always interconnected.

Lucy

Thrown outside, found
in a tree – rescued.
Abandoned by death
taken in  – rescued.

Still curious, innocent,
Still trying to learn
to be herself,
Explore, taste, hunt

Sleep on bed.
Chase off competitors
Somewhere deep inside
always trying

to convince herself
She’s safe
She’s OK
She’s loved.

Reflecting
“not enough”
I don’t know how to play,
to comfort the deep wounds

not of my making.
Shipped off again
looking for the perfect home
It doesn’t work.

Suddenly knowing
there is no perfect anything.
Just love, just trying,
and the tears fall.

Filed Under: Creating with others, Emotion, Heart's wisdom, Love, We are creators Tagged With: , ,

What do you do with sorrow?

November 3, 2016 by

577363_445045265515601_2064592826_nAfter my last post, I realized that I’ve still been waking up with a sadness weighing down on me. Perhaps it’s from bearing witness to the confusion, anger, and fear that fills the news and our consciousness.

Trying to sort it out, I sat down to meditate. I found myself doing something different. I asked Jesus,  “Were You ever sad? I know you were angry, I know you were scared..but sad?”

The answer came: “My Mother was sad.” And, I felt her.

She knew sadness.
How pointless it all can seem.
How powerless we can be to stop it.

“They know not what they do”

The nurturing Divine Mother, who understands her children only too well.

Destroyers of life, beauty,
too busy,
Blinded by things,

Grasping for power,
Fearing loss, of
not being enough.

“They know not what they do”

Let our hearts break open! With nothing left to fear and everything to love, may we rest in the mystery and wholeness of life. Until then, we’ll push away, condemn, claim it’s not us, create artificial cracks in the wholeness of life. Until then–
tree

“We know not what we do”

Filed Under: Fear or Courage, Heart's wisdom, Love, We are creators Tagged With:

The Importance of Distinctions

September 10, 2016 by

What’s the difference between trust and faith?  In talking with a friend recently, she referred to faith as the concept she connects with God. It got me thinking about something I’ve told myself for a long time.

Some background: I always thought I had a trust issue with God. I questioned if He’d be there for me, as I knew he was there for everyone else.  Feeling alone as a child, I thought I’d too often prayed to God and didn’t get an answer. It was a story I  knew well.

This morning in meditation however, I realized something different.img_0532

Faith:     1) Complete trust or confidence in someone or something;
2) a strong belief in God or in the doctrines of a religion, based on a spiritual apprehension [understanding] rather than proof. (from Merri-Webster)

I do have faith that there is something bigger than me, a Divine Presence who created the Universe, Who is behind its magnificent unfolding. So often in my life I’ve experienced grace, help that came to me when I needed it, something that seemed a problem working out for the best….    So where does this lack of trust in God come from? What is it about?

Trust: a firm belief in the sincerity, reliability, skill & ability, and credibility of someone (from my Newfield Network training).

My “aha” moment:  A child’s parents are like gods to them. Totally dependent, you accept much of what goes on as the truth about how the world works. Wouldn’t God treat you as your parents did (our Father who art in Heaven?)  It hit me that my trust issue was never with God but with my parents. Growing up, I felt I wasn’t enough….I gained favor through my accomplishments not for who I was (or at least as I interpreted it).

I didn’t trust my parents to love me with all my flaws, with my thinking differently, with my being trust1emotional (seen as weak), nor with having my own way in life. I didn’t trust them to support me the way I wanted/needed to be supported at that time.  And, I confused them with God.

So even as my faith has grown stronger, there’s been this lingering notion of not trusting God to be there for me. This, in spite of all the ongoing evidence.  Today, I know my parents did love me the best they knew how. I learned much from them. But they weren’t gods.

So understanding the distinction between trust and faith has been freeing for me.sky9-512

It’s allowed me to let go of a story I’ve lived with very long time.

Grace in action. smiley

Filed Under: Heart's wisdom, Life, Love
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