Why Grieving Often Takes Time

The world is our mirror. Our unresolved issues are reflected back to us through our circumstances, our lives, and in others.  Lucy the cat…my teacher. She was one of our daughter’s two cats we took in until we could find homes. But two cats were one too many. Lucy was the youngest and most easily placed I thought.  But my conflict about letting her go was palpable.  I finally realized the reason:  she was too much like Kelly. So, letting go–well, it has been messy. One home didn’t work out, another now looks promising.
In the meantime, I’ve allowed myself to see again how things are always interconnected.

Lucy

Thrown outside, found
in a tree – rescued.
Abandoned by death
taken in  – rescued.

Still curious, innocent,
Still trying to learn
to be herself,
Explore, taste, hunt

Sleep on bed.
Chase off competitors
Somewhere deep inside
always trying

to convince herself
She’s safe
She’s OK
She’s loved.

Reflecting
“not enough”
I don’t know how to play,
to comfort the deep wounds

not of my making.
Shipped off again
looking for the perfect home
It doesn’t work.

Suddenly knowing
there is no perfect anything.
Just love, just trying,
and the tears fall.

Loving what we are…

There a spectacular music piece, released in 1985 as a fundraiser for the the relief of famine and disease in Africa and specifically for the famine in Ethiopia. It’s resurfacing again, the message I think is that we are in this together.earth

“We are the world
We are the children
We are The Ones who make a brighter day
So let’s start giving”

We are the World (Click to hear the original)

So, why do I feel sad when I listen to it?

Love…i want it
warm fuzzy
make me feel good

Loving…what is it?
seeing your beauty
knowing your goodness

Love…being
accepted just as I am
knowing you care

Loving you
with all your worts
with all your gifts

How far can I love?
How great a difference
can my love hold?heartworld

Families don’t always
love each other.
We are the world, but….

Is there time to learn?
God so loved the world,
can we?

I said, “It made me cry.”

As I watched, the tears came. It was a video a friend had sent me. When I told my friend I cried he got concerned, and said he wouldn’t send any more of those kinds of videos.

He thought my tears were a bad thing. But really, they were the kind that come when you ‘re caught unaware and, unbidden, your heart just opens. You deeply appreciate someone’s courage, their caring, their pain, their openhearttriumph…

This is very different from becoming distraught, worried  or distracted by another’s experience. This is about genuine caring: witnessing what is and not pushing it away, appreciating the human experience without getting lost in it.

Crying when your heart opens is like going through a doorway to a place where the “we vs. them” disappears. It’s true love and appreciation. 

An open heart, even with tears– it’s a good thing.

Luck? Perserverance? Timing?

Cathy Thomas has written about her own creating process in getting her book published.

“For several years I have had the intention of writing a book. …..I can tell you that at the start, the idea of me actually writing a book seemed really crazy. …So what I did was just start… And then…my dream got stuck. I just could not get it to move forward.”

The creating process can be messy, with many opportunities to just give up. In Cathy’s case, there were no heroic bells and whistles…just a thread of desire for it to happen that kept it all moving. She listened to her own sense of when to move and when to let it rest. She was open to it not happening at the same time she still wanted it. Creating often requires holding polarities: seeing the end result complete but being OK with not having it;  being willing to put a hold on something but still be alert to possibilities…..

Read the rest of Cathy’s post here:   Making your Dream Become a Reality.

 

Changing one word…

What if you could change one word and shift what happens next?  One word that creates new possibilities as you expand vs. contract your thinking?

Dick Costolo, CEO of Twitter, had been a professional stand up comedian who did improvisation. Improvisation requires you find ways to use whatever the audience throws at you. You need to be able build on what has been introduced.

Mr. Costolo carried what he learned doing improvisation into his job at Twitter, “running a company of 1,300 employees.” He uses a basic improv principle, one essential for keeping the improv going.

While seemingly simple, it is actually quite profound.

He rarely uses the word ‘but.’ Instead, he says ‘Yes and…’ –an improv principle that allows people to discuss something without disagreeing.”

It allows the actors to think about and use what was just said; building on it or not, but not discarding it.

In improv, this can lead to some pretty funny scenarios. In life it just might get us to expand our thinking instead of contracting around our point of view.

Yes and…?

Where Good Ideas Come From

On the importance of our connectivity…

 

P.S. I wish I could draw like him.

and thanks to Mac Johnson for sending this to me.