In Chaotic Times

“You must fight, take sides,
WIN!”
Join the drama….

The body holds me back
Keeping me safe
I don’t share I’m
not buying into the struggle
Because being happy in the midst of…
It’s not how “we” do

I believe it’s not about “Being Right”,
it’s about “Being Here,” breathing deeply
Feeling into my heart.
Relaxing does not mean not caring
Being happy & seeing the good
Doesn’t mean ignoring pain

Without my Centering Heart
My head goes into overdrive
Overwhelm moves into my chest
And the heaviness stops my breath
And then the world is a threat, others
Are a threat.

So, I’m learning
Breath, relax, trust
Become aware of my heart
And listen to the inner voice
It’s rooted in love and wisdom
It’s my hope and what the world needs

I’m committed to doing what is mine to do. My heart knows. I just have to listen.

SINGLE

A simple word, yet
It had escaped me
I’m not alone, not a widow
I’m single!

Freeing in a way I don’t understand
Not wounded, not left behind
But standing as one, as ONE
Connecting deeply to myself

Connecting to a bigger whole
I’m free to start again with
New interests, friends…
As I am now…single.

In conversation with my friend Lee Ann, she said something. She didn’t see me alone, I was single. And something happened. I could feel an internal shift. I felt grounded.
I was myself again, rooted into the earth, free to blossom.

It’s crazy I know! But I’m going with the feeling, trusting this shift is real. Another stage in life, a continuation of this incredible journey. Joseph is still with me, laughing I suspect and cheering me on. Love never stops even as life changes. And maybe nothing changes but me.

May Anger

Anger bubble up
Always a surprise
Why am I so easily upset
Impatient, annoyed?

The energy of days past
Losses I think are not
controlled by the Calendar
seem to have their way with me.

Once again I connect the dots
And let myself feel the
Sadness, the loss, the
Anger at having been left.

I’m always surprised that when it gets near the dates that my daughter, Kelly (May12, 2016), and my husband, Joseph’s (May22, 2017), died that my emotions get weird. I’ve been irritable, even swearing in situations that might have been difficult before but now seem absolutely “NOT OK!!!!”.

At least I’m quicker to see what’s going on. So, here I am, allowing myself to feel the loss and, yes, the anger that I got left alone. Silly? No, human. Grief is what it is. I’m learning it is not always rational, but whatever I’m feeling is ok…I need to allow it, feel it, not tell more stories about it…just let it go.

To life, love and all it’s crazy paradoxes and mysteries.

Still There, Still Here

I want to be accepted as I am
My sadness, happiness, anger
Should not shame me
How I am, not how you need me
Not your projections, not
Your judgments

But what if I don’t accept myself?
If I don’t feel my body, it’s
Tightness, it’s pain
If I don’t notice my feelings
Or ask what I need—
I don’t exist.

I still battle going numb, not valuing myself, not noticing myself let alone connecting to others.
I fall into care taking, performing, helping others achieve.

Every time I cycle through this, at the end, I breathe. I let myself “be me” a little more. And, I start another new day.

Birth Anniversary

Celebrate your Self coming into form,
Celebrate the love given and received,
It’s a chance to say, “What now?”
Knowing you are here today
because of all the other
birth anniversaries, and because of
all that happened in between.
The Birth Day followed
by all the Living Days.
Each day equally important,
propelling you on the path
called life.

I spent my birth anniversary (called a birthday) with friends, both in person and via the loving messages in cards and calls I received. I felt full, cared about and glad to be alive. I’m gently reminded there will be a Death Day. So I’m grateful for each day and choose to live it fully.

Happy Birth Anniversary! Happy Life!

Do You Protect What you Love?

Zookeeper Chad

What do I love?
Family and my
Friends, my cat,
Trees, dancing,
1on1 conversations,
Writing, walking,
Watching the sky,
Feet in the dirt
And sometimes someone
for no good reason.

Does God love or
Is God’s love
expressing through
every living thing,
the earth, the cosmos…
Is God expressing
love through me?

Does God protect what God loves?

I like Zookeeper Chad*. He is trying to show us the wonderful animals he works with so we can love them. Then, if we love them, he hopes we will work to protect them. To me that means stop doing them harm, e.g., stop taking away their natural habitats, stop hunting them for sport or profit, watch what we buy/support, supporting them through our policies and laws.

We are conscious human beings who create our lives through our thinking, emotions, beliefs and choices. We were created with free will for a reason. We grow through experiencing life and through understanding the consequences of our thinking, our beliefs, and choices. Being protected against our own ignorance, selfishness, self-hatred, doesn’t lead to our growth. Being loved through it all does. God loves us.

*Zookeeper Chad https://www.featherdale.com.au/zookeeper-chad/

Love the One You’re With

“If you can’t be with the one you love, honey,
Love the one you are with”
If you can’t be in the heaven you long for
Love the life you’re given on earth
If you can’t have the body you desire
Enjoy the one you have
If your loved one died
Let yourself love again
Turn your heartache into joy
Love what you have,
And, find peace.

David Crosby died Jan. 19, 2023. His death reminded me of all the songs Crosby, Stills and Nash sang, including “Love the One You’re With” sung in 1971 (written by Stephen Sills, 1970). Reminiscing about those times past, the advice in this song seems to fit a lot of things. Love what you have. Enjoy your life. Peace!

Happy Thanksgiving!

“Cages or wings?
Which do you prefer?
Ask the birds.

Fear or love, baby?
Don’t say the answer
Actions speak louder than words.”
Jonathan Larson – Louder Than Words

May you fly today. May gratitude and faith in possibilities keep you afloat.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Shift!

When your heart breaks open again,
Do you go to hate?
Or, do you surrender?
When there’s one more negative headline, a shooting, a rant,
Does despair start filling you? Do you drown? Or,
Can you shift and reach out,
letting the Light fill you.

When the negativity, the violence, the anger of others overwhelms you, what do you do? Many stop reading/listening to the news and social media. Others move into a “fighting back” mode. Some let fear drive them into withdrawing from life because nothing seems to matter, nothing is safe anymore.

I’m learning to use another option. Suzanne Giesemann* talks about learning to “Shift.” When I start focusing on the negative, or when despair or fear arises, I notice, and tell myself “Shift!”. I can then change my point of view from “this is awful” to “isn’t that interesting?” I then ask my higher self (God, my guardian angel, my guides) “What is the best reaction to this situation?” I breath, focus on my heart and just listen. Sometimes I get a response right away, other times I just get the peace of shifting into the Light.

Other times when I say to myself “Shift!” I take some deep breaths. I smile. And, I consciously choose to let the Light /Divine grace and God’s Love flow through me. I consciously choose to remember that I AM one with Mother/Father God. I am not alone.

Both of these work. Lately I’ve found many opportunities to use them.
Sometimes I have to say “Shift” to myself 40 x a day LOL! Yet, I know with practice, I’ll live there.

May we all live in gratitude, peace and love. Choose to enjoy this moment of Life. It’s a gift we are given.

*https://suzannegiesemann.com/ or https://stream.humanitysteam.org/cosmic-forces-shaping-a-whole-new-future

The Void

The past months
Flying by
Thoughts come
And go

Everything is happening
Nothing is happening
How can that be?
I’m left with just “this”

The “now” of it
It’s changing so fast
I’m forced to let go, and
Then, peace reveals itself

I’ve not written in the past few months. It’s not that things haven’t happened. A cousin getting cancer, friends needing help with health issues, a sister with CO poisoning, world events, endless political drama, overload of emails, Russia/Ukraine, and it goes on and on and on.

But as I learn to let it all go, pay attention to what’s in front of me, and listen to what I’m called to follow up on, something has been shifting. There’s a peace in all the chaos. Sometimes I think there must be something wrong with me that I’m not more upset…but I’m not.

Is this the “Peace beyond understanding”…the one that comes from inside, from that wiser place?