Lessons in Chemistry

Lessons in Chemistry is a story of white patriarchy and the constricting, demoralizing stereotypes of women in science and in life. But it is also the story of women’s strength, love, and the general complexity of people, men and women. The story keeps evolving and I stayed engaged for 390 pages. It’s a good read.

I can feel the weight of being on the receiving end of how others defined what was acceptable for me to express, to be and to do in my life. I can still feel the anger in my body at times. But it’s being replaced by my ongoing commitment to being me and to discovering who and what I am. I’m letting my experience of me evolve and change, looking inward rather than “out there.”

Books like these bring awareness to how things are and have been in the U.S. They help many see they are not alone. Hopefully, they also challenge men and women to look at how they’ve supported and/or have bought into these stereotypes . After all patriarchy couldn’t continue without support. Although this book focuses on gender bias, the same holds true for race, class and other controlling boxes we put folks in. But there is hope.

Here’s to our growing awareness and freedom!

Beyond Non-violence

Most people I know are against violence: physical attacks, murder, rape, emotional abuse, the “isms”…. Some are against war, the death penalty, cruelty to animals, destroying the earth….

But the absence of violence leaves a void. So this past month I’ve been sitting with the question, “What am I for (not against)?

I was hampered by my ”shoulds”. I should be an activist. I should be heading up projects. I should be “out there” making a difference.. But the longer I sat with the question, this is what came to me.

What I want to focus on and help create:
Efforts to connect people/kids to nature.
Efforts to connect people to themselves.
Self-expression and creativity in the arts and music.
The ability to see and relate to a person as who they are beyond stereotypes, preconceived notions and biases.

I need to accept who I am vs. who & how I think I should be. Mine to do on this planet will not solve all the injustices and serious problems and I’m learning it can’t and doesn’t have to. We are in this together. One more step on the journey.

So, what do you want to create? What are you for?

Come Alive

Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.” ― Howard Thurman
What makes you come alive? What does coming alive even mean?

I’ve been sitting with this question all month. Then this came to me last night.
I think it starts with realizing I _am_ alive. In this moment, experiencing through my body what’s around me, what I taste, smell, hear and feel in my body. Knowing that my body tells me when something is off.
There is a vibrancy to being in this moment. And, I believe it’s from this being place that I find what I am drawn to, my passion. And perhaps, following my passion is my purpose in life. Doing what I want for myself, for others, and for the collective whole.

It’s ok for me to be me, to feel and live big (i.e. don’t be concerned with what others think),
to trust my guidance and follow my heart. And, once you “come alive,” the challenge is to stay there. The journey continues.

Letting go of what doesn’t serve you.

What am I letting go of?

Not being true to myself.
Fear of being vulnerable,
of being hurt
.

It’s easy to say this. But I’ve learned over the past year it’s hard to do. For starters, I have to really listen to who I am vs. what I’ve been conditioned to believe or what I perceive to be the expectations of others. But progress has been made, and it is time.

So this I am letting go of, and I’m opening to the new and what’s possible for me. And so it is!

Not Feeling “Christmassy”

If you find yourself in this familiar time of year, but are seeing and experiencing it with what feel like unfamiliar eyes, may your vision be sharpened to take in what you missed during all those years you saw what you expected to see and felt what you expected to feel. May you experience the unfamiliar as an unfolding and not as an undoing. And may you not take any of it, or yourself, even a tiny bit more seriously than absolutely necessary.
Nadia Bolz-Weber Dec. 16, 2023

I’m not feeling “Christmassy”. I don’t know why. I find myself trying to come up with a story, even though I know stories are just that. I’ve driven around looking at Christmas lights because that always brings me up…only it doesn’t.

My mind is in overdrive.

How do I let go of everything trying to get my attention? Wars, disasters, pleas for money, friends who are sick, endings… Everything is changing. Is it really unfolding?

I don’t know. So maybe I’ll just exhale and believe what my T-Shirt says:

Friends

friend /frĕnd/. noun
-A person whom one knows, likes, and trusts.
-A person whom one knows; an acquaintance.
-A person with whom one is allied in a struggle or cause; a comrade.
The American Heritage® Dictionary, 5th Edition 

What is a friend? Who is a friend?

Someone I have known but didn’t really hang out with suddenly started having medical issues. She called me and I’ve been helping her with doctor appointments and errands.
She considers me a friend. I’ve been reluctant to call her one.

The people I’ve learned to call friends are the ones I can be totally “me” with. It’s mutual. We have similar interests. I want to explain when someone asks if I’m her friend that I’ve only started being with her since she started needing my help.

Sometimes I think by not considering her a friend, I’m setting some kind of boundary so I won’t feel bad about not responding to all her requests. But you can have a friend and still set boundaries can’t you?

Sunday, Rev. Dee at CSLGC (https://fb.watch/osTmPJ7FZj/) talked about seeing the sacred in everything and everyone. Then, a friend told me that Quakers call all other Quakers “friends” even if they’ve never met them. And, I realized, she is a friend.

I believe there is only One Life. We are interdependent and all connected in that One Life. So, if I’m to embody what I believe, if I want to see the sacred in everyone, then of course they are “a friend.“ And I know when I’m with a friend, there is a softness in my heart and I stop thinking of myself as separate. It is all sacred.

So, thank you my friends for reading this. Happy Thanksgiving!

Practice

If I see one more
“Vote No” sign
For the issue
I hold so dear
I will scream

I go into my head
And make up rebuttals
Brilliant ones
That show
the hypocrisy
of the other

I’m trapped
in this world
of separation

This is the paradox of living in a world of cause and effect. One where we create and, at the same time, are affected by the creations of others. What we control is our state of being. Can I be at peace in the midst of something? Or, am I controlled by the actions and manipulations of others.

Anger can bring one to take action. But it can also, as we continue to tell stories about what triggered our anger, bring us to rage, violence, hatred, and of course my favorite, self-righteousness.

I’m learning that when you come from love and being centered, you can still say “no”, “enough” “stop!” And you can still see the other as part of the One, which they are. You are energetically connected, you’re impacting each other. Don’t turn them into that separate “Other” and think your anger doesn’t hurt them or isn’t hurting you.

So, when I go off in my head, I learning to shift to my center by: breathing more consciously, repeating a mantra I learned a long time ago, humming, by thinking of my cat curled in my lap or, just by smiling.

These days there are plenty of opportunities to practice shifting to being centered. And each time I do, I believe I’m contributing to the kind of world I want to see. I’m being the kind of person I want to be.

Be Happy

It’s the end of August
Official month of
“It’s ok to say you are happy”

I’m not a “Debbie Downer”
or, in my case, a
Barbie Bummer

I stand for the right
To be happy in the midst
Of world chaos

I watch the sky
Pet animals
Smile at people I don’t know

Paying attention
I read headlines but
I stay with facts

Drama helps no one
Being scared and worrying
Changes nothing

Thoughts become things
What we believe we become
Where we focus we follow

All life is precious
I find beauty and
good everywhere

Peace is a choice
I ask and I’m guided
And, I believe Love will Prevail

Sad Today

The sadness comes unbidden
Followed by anger flowing
Back into the abyss of sadness
Why is love so hard
My heart wants to split open but
I stop it
Staying caught in the cycle
Trying to stay in control
Will I ever learn?

Letting go, letting the tears come, feeling the losses, letting the world be as crazy as it is…. Keening is what I want to do but I don’t know how.
So, I let myself feel. Being in the moment can be hard sometimes.

I write this and wait…breathing, until it changes.

Happy Independence Day!

May you be free from self-doubt
May you be free from the judgements of others
May you be free from false beliefs
May you be free from fear
May you be free from needing to judge others
May you be free from the cultural stereotypes imposed on you
May you be free from anything that stops you from love and being at peace

Be your sacred and precious true Self !