Come Alive

Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.” ― Howard Thurman
What makes you come alive? What does coming alive even mean?

I’ve been sitting with this question all month. Then this came to me last night.
I think it starts with realizing I _am_ alive. In this moment, experiencing through my body what’s around me, what I taste, smell, hear and feel in my body. Knowing that my body tells me when something is off.
There is a vibrancy to being in this moment. And, I believe it’s from this being place that I find what I am drawn to, my passion. And perhaps, following my passion is my purpose in life. Doing what I want for myself, for others, and for the collective whole.

It’s ok for me to be me, to feel and live big (i.e. don’t be concerned with what others think),
to trust my guidance and follow my heart. And, once you “come alive,” the challenge is to stay there. The journey continues.

Not Feeling “Christmassy”

If you find yourself in this familiar time of year, but are seeing and experiencing it with what feel like unfamiliar eyes, may your vision be sharpened to take in what you missed during all those years you saw what you expected to see and felt what you expected to feel. May you experience the unfamiliar as an unfolding and not as an undoing. And may you not take any of it, or yourself, even a tiny bit more seriously than absolutely necessary.
Nadia Bolz-Weber Dec. 16, 2023

I’m not feeling “Christmassy”. I don’t know why. I find myself trying to come up with a story, even though I know stories are just that. I’ve driven around looking at Christmas lights because that always brings me up…only it doesn’t.

My mind is in overdrive.

How do I let go of everything trying to get my attention? Wars, disasters, pleas for money, friends who are sick, endings… Everything is changing. Is it really unfolding?

I don’t know. So maybe I’ll just exhale and believe what my T-Shirt says:

Friends

friend /frĕnd/. noun
-A person whom one knows, likes, and trusts.
-A person whom one knows; an acquaintance.
-A person with whom one is allied in a struggle or cause; a comrade.
The American Heritage® Dictionary, 5th Edition 

What is a friend? Who is a friend?

Someone I have known but didn’t really hang out with suddenly started having medical issues. She called me and I’ve been helping her with doctor appointments and errands.
She considers me a friend. I’ve been reluctant to call her one.

The people I’ve learned to call friends are the ones I can be totally “me” with. It’s mutual. We have similar interests. I want to explain when someone asks if I’m her friend that I’ve only started being with her since she started needing my help.

Sometimes I think by not considering her a friend, I’m setting some kind of boundary so I won’t feel bad about not responding to all her requests. But you can have a friend and still set boundaries can’t you?

Sunday, Rev. Dee at CSLGC (https://fb.watch/osTmPJ7FZj/) talked about seeing the sacred in everything and everyone. Then, a friend told me that Quakers call all other Quakers “friends” even if they’ve never met them. And, I realized, she is a friend.

I believe there is only One Life. We are interdependent and all connected in that One Life. So, if I’m to embody what I believe, if I want to see the sacred in everyone, then of course they are “a friend.“ And I know when I’m with a friend, there is a softness in my heart and I stop thinking of myself as separate. It is all sacred.

So, thank you my friends for reading this. Happy Thanksgiving!

Practice

If I see one more
“Vote No” sign
For the issue
I hold so dear
I will scream

I go into my head
And make up rebuttals
Brilliant ones
That show
the hypocrisy
of the other

I’m trapped
in this world
of separation

This is the paradox of living in a world of cause and effect. One where we create and, at the same time, are affected by the creations of others. What we control is our state of being. Can I be at peace in the midst of something? Or, am I controlled by the actions and manipulations of others.

Anger can bring one to take action. But it can also, as we continue to tell stories about what triggered our anger, bring us to rage, violence, hatred, and of course my favorite, self-righteousness.

I’m learning that when you come from love and being centered, you can still say “no”, “enough” “stop!” And you can still see the other as part of the One, which they are. You are energetically connected, you’re impacting each other. Don’t turn them into that separate “Other” and think your anger doesn’t hurt them or isn’t hurting you.

So, when I go off in my head, I learning to shift to my center by: breathing more consciously, repeating a mantra I learned a long time ago, humming, by thinking of my cat curled in my lap or, just by smiling.

These days there are plenty of opportunities to practice shifting to being centered. And each time I do, I believe I’m contributing to the kind of world I want to see. I’m being the kind of person I want to be.

Happy Independence Day!

May you be free from self-doubt
May you be free from the judgements of others
May you be free from false beliefs
May you be free from fear
May you be free from needing to judge others
May you be free from the cultural stereotypes imposed on you
May you be free from anything that stops you from love and being at peace

Be your sacred and precious true Self !

SINGLE

A simple word, yet
It had escaped me
I’m not alone, not a widow
I’m single!

Freeing in a way I don’t understand
Not wounded, not left behind
But standing as one, as ONE
Connecting deeply to myself

Connecting to a bigger whole
I’m free to start again with
New interests, friends…
As I am now…single.

In conversation with my friend Lee Ann, she said something. She didn’t see me alone, I was single. And something happened. I could feel an internal shift. I felt grounded.
I was myself again, rooted into the earth, free to blossom.

It’s crazy I know! But I’m going with the feeling, trusting this shift is real. Another stage in life, a continuation of this incredible journey. Joseph is still with me, laughing I suspect and cheering me on. Love never stops even as life changes. And maybe nothing changes but me.

Still There, Still Here

I want to be accepted as I am
My sadness, happiness, anger
Should not shame me
How I am, not how you need me
Not your projections, not
Your judgments

But what if I don’t accept myself?
If I don’t feel my body, it’s
Tightness, it’s pain
If I don’t notice my feelings
Or ask what I need—
I don’t exist.

I still battle going numb, not valuing myself, not noticing myself let alone connecting to others.
I fall into care taking, performing, helping others achieve.

Every time I cycle through this, at the end, I breathe. I let myself “be me” a little more. And, I start another new day.

The Void

The past months
Flying by
Thoughts come
And go

Everything is happening
Nothing is happening
How can that be?
I’m left with just “this”

The “now” of it
It’s changing so fast
I’m forced to let go, and
Then, peace reveals itself

I’ve not written in the past few months. It’s not that things haven’t happened. A cousin getting cancer, friends needing help with health issues, a sister with CO poisoning, world events, endless political drama, overload of emails, Russia/Ukraine, and it goes on and on and on.

But as I learn to let it all go, pay attention to what’s in front of me, and listen to what I’m called to follow up on, something has been shifting. There’s a peace in all the chaos. Sometimes I think there must be something wrong with me that I’m not more upset…but I’m not.

Is this the “Peace beyond understanding”…the one that comes from inside, from that wiser place?

The Storm

The wind whipped around and through
The tree limbs followed, wildly dancing
Swaying, twisting, bowing

I felt Thunder in my bones
“Danger, go inside”
But in awe I couldn’t leave

Powerful, wild, alive
My heart was drawn in
Connected to this dance of life

This storm was trying to tell me something. In the chaos and tragedy going on these days, what do I see? What does my heart connect to? Is there always a choice between fear/anger and something more? Is there always beauty in the chaos?

I’m being told to move away from either/or, right/wrong, good/evil. Can I hold it all?

The Deluge

The heavy rains came
Even the thorned Barberry
Bowed down under the weight
Gray days hovered
Everything heavy

Then this morning
in the soaked grass
The bare dandelions
seeds washed away
became Starbursts

These times are hard. After Friday’s storm, the Roofer came and checked. He said the fallen tree limb hadn’t damaged the roof.
This morning City Workers filled the potholes in front of my drive.
And today once again, mothers are mourning their dead children and
communities the loss of their cherished members.

The routine of life cut open by the horror of killing, rooted in prejudice, racism, and the acts of the wounded who are acting out their trauma and illness on others.
I pray to experience what the mind cannot define or comprehend; the love of God that can hold all of this.

I pray that I remember we are all connected, that there is no “other” unless I close may heart.
I strive to avoid language and words that create the illusion of separation: e.g., they, whites, blacks, liberals, conservatives…. Labels that lump people into faceless boxes that are too easy to dismiss and belittle.

I strive to love myself and to learn what it means to love others: starting with accepting and seeing the person as they are and who they are. “And may that love move me to co-create justice and well-being for all.” bell hooks