-- a journey into awareness
What am I letting go of?
Not being true to myself.
Fear of being vulnerable,
of being hurt.
It’s easy to say this. But I’ve learned over the past year it’s hard to do. For starters, I have to really listen to who I am vs. what I’ve been conditioned to believe or what I perceive to be the expectations of others. But progress has been made, and it is time.
So this I am letting go of, and I’m opening to the new and what’s possible for me. And so it is!
friend /frĕnd/. noun
-A person whom one knows, likes, and trusts.
-A person whom one knows; an acquaintance.
-A person with whom one is allied in a struggle or cause; a comrade.
The American Heritage® Dictionary, 5th Edition
What is a friend? Who is a friend?
Someone I have known but didn’t really hang out with suddenly started having medical issues. She called me and I’ve been helping her with doctor appointments and errands.
She considers me a friend. I’ve been reluctant to call her one.
The people I’ve learned to call friends are the ones I can be totally “me” with. It’s mutual. We have similar interests. I want to explain when someone asks if I’m her friend that I’ve only started being with her since she started needing my help.
Sometimes I think by not considering her a friend, I’m setting some kind of boundary so I won’t feel bad about not responding to all her requests. But you can have a friend and still set boundaries can’t you?
Sunday, Rev. Dee at CSLGC (https://fb.watch/osTmPJ7FZj/) talked about seeing the sacred in everything and everyone. Then, a friend told me that Quakers call all other Quakers “friends” even if they’ve never met them. And, I realized, she is a friend.
I believe there is only One Life. We are interdependent and all connected in that One Life. So, if I’m to embody what I believe, if I want to see the sacred in everyone, then of course they are “a friend.“ And I know when I’m with a friend, there is a softness in my heart and I stop thinking of myself as separate. It is all sacred.
So, thank you my friends for reading this. Happy Thanksgiving!
“You must fight, take sides,
WIN!”
Join the drama….
The body holds me back
Keeping me safe
I don’t share I’m
not buying into the struggle
Because being happy in the midst of…
It’s not how “we” do
I believe it’s not about “Being Right”,
it’s about “Being Here,” breathing deeply
Feeling into my heart.
Relaxing does not mean not caring
Being happy & seeing the good
Doesn’t mean ignoring pain
Without my Centering Heart
My head goes into overdrive
Overwhelm moves into my chest
And the heaviness stops my breath
And then the world is a threat, others
Are a threat.
So, I’m learning
Breath, relax, trust
Become aware of my heart
And listen to the inner voice
It’s rooted in love and wisdom
It’s my hope and what the world needs
I’m committed to doing what is mine to do. My heart knows. I just have to listen.
When your heart breaks open again,
Do you go to hate?
Or, do you surrender?
When there’s one more negative headline, a shooting, a rant,
Does despair start filling you? Do you drown? Or,
Can you shift and reach out,
letting the Light fill you.
When the negativity, the violence, the anger of others overwhelms you, what do you do? Many stop reading/listening to the news and social media. Others move into a “fighting back” mode. Some let fear drive them into withdrawing from life because nothing seems to matter, nothing is safe anymore.
I’m learning to use another option. Suzanne Giesemann* talks about learning to “Shift.” When I start focusing on the negative, or when despair or fear arises, I notice, and tell myself “Shift!”. I can then change my point of view from “this is awful” to “isn’t that interesting?” I then ask my higher self (God, my guardian angel, my guides) “What is the best reaction to this situation?” I breath, focus on my heart and just listen. Sometimes I get a response right away, other times I just get the peace of shifting into the Light.
Other times when I say to myself “Shift!” I take some deep breaths. I smile. And, I consciously choose to let the Light /Divine grace and God’s Love flow through me. I consciously choose to remember that I AM one with Mother/Father God. I am not alone.
Both of these work. Lately I’ve found many opportunities to use them.
Sometimes I have to say “Shift” to myself 40 x a day LOL! Yet, I know with practice, I’ll live there.
May we all live in gratitude, peace and love. Choose to enjoy this moment of Life. It’s a gift we are given.
*https://suzannegiesemann.com/ or https://stream.humanitysteam.org/cosmic-forces-shaping-a-whole-new-future
The past months
Flying by
Thoughts come
And go
Everything is happening
Nothing is happening
How can that be?
I’m left with just “this”
The “now” of it
It’s changing so fast
I’m forced to let go, and
Then, peace reveals itself
I’ve not written in the past few months. It’s not that things haven’t happened. A cousin getting cancer, friends needing help with health issues, a sister with CO poisoning, world events, endless political drama, overload of emails, Russia/Ukraine, and it goes on and on and on.
But as I learn to let it all go, pay attention to what’s in front of me, and listen to what I’m called to follow up on, something has been shifting. There’s a peace in all the chaos. Sometimes I think there must be something wrong with me that I’m not more upset…but I’m not.
Is this the “Peace beyond understanding”…the one that comes from inside, from that wiser place?
This birthday
felt different.
It was a transition.
To what? I didn’t know.
I needed to celebrate.
Celebrate what? I didn’t know.
But friends heard me.
And, they showed up
bearing gifts, sending cards
taking me out for lunch,
taking me to an opera.
And then it came to me.
Filling me to overflowing.
And I let it in.
I felt loved!
The Universe has a way of gifting us when we least expect it. I don’t usually celebrate my birthdays. But this one felt different and I told my friends. They heard me and responded. And then, perhaps for the first time in my life, I felt loved…by friends and the Universe. It’s not that I didn’t know I was loved before, but I don’t think I took it in. But this time I got it. I felt loved. I still feel loved. The door to my heart opened. The Universe works in mysterious ways. I’m learning to trust it.
I’m turning a corner
What does that mean?
I don’t know
What’s next?
I don’t know
What now?
I trust
For the last few months things have been shifting. How? I can’t tell you. Some of it has been inner work as I release, at a deeper level, some of what I took on as a child and throughout my life that does not serve me. Hurts, self-doubt, fear of being seen, not believing I matter….all resurfacing so I can more consciously say, “I forgive myself and others. I let go. I just am.”
I’m learning to live in liminal space, the time between the ‘what was’ and the ‘next’.
I’m practicing becoming self aware vs self obsessed. Noticing the mental chatter, the mind busy planning, reacting, telling my story yet again. I then consciously breath and focus on doing whatever it is I’m doing. What’s my body feeling? Breath. Really see the carrot I’m cutting or the weeds I’m pulling. Breath. Feel whatever emotion arises but don’t start telling a story about it. Breath. And Life continues to unfold in me and around me.
Simply experiencing what is brings peace. I’m beginning to trust. I pay attention to the little surprises and notice how things work out in ways I couldn’t possibly expect (another blog). I continue to practice.
I’m not who you want me to be
not your expectations of woman
not your ideal daughter
Not behaving the way you think I should
Not living in fear and self-judgment
I believe what I do
I feel what I feel
I let go of my stories, they’re history
I’m going to stop being embarrassed
because I’m happy and you aren’t
I’m accepting my body as it is
my sexuality and desires as they are
Being right here, right now
is taking on new meaning
because it’s true, I AM
This year has been about letting go of what I’m not. Of letting fall away what is not mine to have. It’s been about being at peace in the middle of chaos, anger, distortions and the fear all around us. It’s been about learning to not blame anything outside of me for what I’m feeling inside.
These changes have been unfolding all year. They are the precious gifts given to me this year.
So this Christmas, I’m choosing peace. acceptance of what is, faith in what I cannot know, trust in mySelf and most importantly trust in this Divine Love, Intelligence, Presence that surrounds me.
I wish for all of you Peace and Happiness. Merry Christmas!
To have presence of mind
The keen awareness of what is
without prejudice, distortion or fear
So right action can emerge
Light showing the way
(Poem originally published in Chalkboard in response to Bindu Lamba’s Chalkboard prompt “presence”.)
In today’s maelstrom of politics and COVID, I keep reminding myself to avoid drama, judgmental accusations and “worse case” scenarios. To stay present in my heart-mind, listening for the higher truth trying to come through. To be content with not knowing and to act in service of the higher good. This is my goal and and my prayer.
I don’t control the seasons,
but I’m not helpless.
I walk on the ground with care.
I felt lost in sadness and almost a despair these last few days. And then this morning, when I was meditating, this poem came. Not being in control doesn’t mean I’m helpless.
A friend told me how great these times were because it was a chance to practice what we believe. In the midst of all the chaos and negativity, I can choose what I focus on, what I want to embody, how I want to be in the world.
If in this moment I can be fully present…. right action will follow.